The bum total

Somebody told me I was dead wrong for wantin to drop job apps in homeless ppls cups (Job Corps Mobile), so yesterday I made it my mission to be on my philanthropist tip. I was gon make it hail by give a quarter to each and every bum during my time that day in center city. I'm doin this as a 'social experiment' (which is a nice way of sayin 'because I fuckin want to...')

I popped out the 15th street station on my 2 block walk to work, walked halfway up the stairs and got no further than the 2nd flight before I got my 1st bumming of the day...a crusty old basehead with a powerful odor. 'Isjwaschange?' He asked...I heard 'change' and gave it. 'Gaableshuh' he croaked before returnin to his blanket.

I get to the top of the stairs and walk about 20 feet in my building's direction when a second transient appears from the shadows, brandishing a pity cup like a weapon as she implored me to spare some change. I gave her what she wanted and moved on...not far ahead, bum #3 (I'll call him Bum B...he becomes important lata...) lurked in the middle of a sidewalk. He asked, I gave...then this mafucka got the nerve to ask for another. My philanthropy had reached its limit. 'Fuck outta here, you ungrateful vagrant mafucka!', came the tell-off. The bum looked at me, shouted something in what I assume was another language, then scratched his nuts (I hope he wasn't tryna come on to me...) mumbled something and got back under his blanket to loudly string together cuss words. Makin sure to step on a lumpy piece of the blanket that I hope contained some of his person, I moved on. (And I woulda took my gahdamn quarter back from his bitch ass had he not immediately tucked it into his ballsac.)

Across the street from my job, a home-challenged person lay on top of one of those steam grates (once again, in the middle of the fuckin sidewalk...) with a pity cup and a poorly scrawled sign I had no desire to read. I don't know how warm those things are, but they gotta be pretty damn toasty for them to sit over that hot stank ass air current all day. Its like bein farted on by the city constantly. Anyway, I decided he deserved 2 quarters for his commitment to...that...and gave em. In the 2 blocks between the stop and my job, I had given out $1.25. And that's just this morning...

It was later around lunchtime when Paul, one of my worksquad members, asked for 50 cent for...some reason...I'm reasonably sure the man has a home, but he asked for change...close enough. $1.75. As I went out for lunch and walked out towards Walnut, a old black lady with dusty gray dreadlocks and one of those MC Hammer backround dancer bodysuits came and asked for some change...I gave her some, she started in with 'God will bless you and...' the rest she said to the logo on the back of my fitted. I ain't got time, I'm hungry, fuck that.

As I came out with my lunch, a dude held the door for me...and immediately asked for some change. Now normally, I woulda told him to eat ass with chopsticks, (I hate these ppl...nobody asked you to do that and you chargin? That's like those mafuckas who try to wash your windows ambush-style with water and a newspaper...fuckouttahere.) but I said I was gonna do this all day...so here ya go. Next up was...Bum B! He had seemingly forgot my cussout, and asked me for change anyway. I found this so funny, I said fuck it and gave it to him anyway before continuing to work.

I left work when it was time and headed toward the train stop from whence I came about 8 hours ago. During my 2 block journey I handed out 3 more quarters to beggin ass folk, and thought that was gonna be the end of my day...until I went down to where I would have to take my train. There stood Bum B at the customer service window, acting quite normally (except for the filthy blanket caually slung over his shoulder) with a new shirt and buyin a monthly transpass (which is, ooooh, $90+). I woulda went over and asked just how the fuck he got 90 bucks when you was just a streetcrazy about 3 hours ago...but I'm pretty sure that convo woulda ended with me launchin a vicious assault against him...so I thought better of it and went home. Point is, I now feel justified in tellin every last bum that beg me 'FUCK no'...and that justification only cost $3.50...