Cooking: A letter to the otherside...

Dear womenfolk,

A central truth of life is that men like a good meal. That's black men, white men, tall men, short men, Democrats, Republicans...even lowly Redskins fans like food (not human food, but they eat something, I'm sure...). Thus, the ability of a female to make a decent meal is extremely important. Seriously, you can not even be all that cute and being able to cook can do something for you. I've seen it happen many and plenty a time...a solid kitchen game can make up for many physical deficiencies and give a woman as much as 2 points on the standard 10-point scale. There's a huge difference between a 5 and a 7, trust me.

See, the reason why the cooking stands out so much is...not a whole lot of chicks do it anymore. Its kind of a lost art. Anybody can just look great...hell, that's why Jesus gave us plastic surgery...but what can you do besides that? Somewhere in between y'all getting to vote and today, most females decided that cooking wasn't important anymore. Well I'm the man to tell you that those females are wrong. Men get hungry every day. Starving is not that move, and it may get you by now...but if a man can't eat at home, he'll go to McDonalds. I mean that both as a literal statement and a figurative analogy.

This rule seems to apply to chubby girls more than most...you see, their cooking is so good they get high on their own supply and gain weight, which ain't really their fault. By the same token, their cooking is so good, it's irresistible to men...and therefore just as good as having any other of those wonderful lady features some of y'all have. A fat ass is nice, but you can't eat it. (Um...you know what I mean...)

This also goes for chicks who look a certain way. (I told you, I don't use the u-word anymore...its not nice...) So what if you look like some weird hoodrat Pokémon...if you can hook a steak up, there's love for you somewhere. A hungry man will put up with a whole lot for a decent meal. Jealous and posessive? You might possess him forever if your pasta is on point. Are you a total bitch? Its okay, somebody will deal with your crazy ass if you can fry up some chicken. Serial cheater? I know dudes who will cope with it in exchange for a full stomach. Point is, being handy with a pan can really smooth out all your rough edges...nobody's mad with their mouth full.

Lookit, we're not askin you to slave over a hot stove all day everyday...this ain't 'Leave it to Beaver', I'm aware. It doesn't necessarily have to be all the time (really helps tho) and things out of boxes, prepared properly, do count. Most of us aren't even too picky...so what you ain't Rachel Ray, practice makes perfect, dammit. We're willing to accept a few beta meals while you learn what the hell you're doing. Yes, you can expect a couple feedings in return...that's only fair. I'm just telling you the chick with the ring fed her man at some point. You can take it how you want it...

Love,

AJ