Friendship Responsibilities: Mandatory Combat Handicap Assistance

*fittedwearer's note: Here in the future, there are many definitions of a 'friend'. A friend could refer to a person on Facebook/someone you do the whole Twitter mutual stalking thing with, a friend could refer to someone at work you're cool with, a friend could refer to somebody you've known since you were 5 and that seriously endangered your chances of having kids (yes, you). But how does one separate the countless associates one may have from a true friend/pal/homie/comrade? 'Friendship Responsibilities' aims to find that out...got it? Cool.

As a true friend, you have certain duties to any person you really feel deserves the name. One of those is Mandatory Combat Handicap Assistance. This means if you see your friend gettin jumped, you are required to assist them as far as the preservaton of your own life will allow. This is a very key test of a friendship, as it requires a decision about whether your homeboy/girl is worth potentially gettin your own ass kicked. (The rule only applies to a jumping...if he's gettin his shit handed to him 1-on-1, maybe he shouldn't have had so many Mike's Hard Lemonades before he started poppin his gums at the cage fighter over there...sorry, bruh...) This must be a mutually understood condition, as one MCHA deserves another.

If one is the jumpee, and sees a friend that he would have fought for decline to assist, not only does he have the right to end the friendship, he also has the option of beating his ass in retaliation. No true friend is gonna stand passively by and let his friend get tuned up (that's my favorite word to describe gettin worked over...it sounds like you inspecting the transmission or checkin the oil or something when what you're really doing is quite detrimental to the victim's condition...its kind of ironic...) and if he does, that means he has no concern for your health or well being...and what the fuck kind of buddy is that? Mandatory Combat Handicap Assistance: one of the more important Friendship Responsibilities.