The wonderful nonsensical insanity of this weekend made me really think...what do I wanna do before I die? People always talk about accomplishments and life goals, and I sat back and thought about the fact that I don't really have too many. What I came up with is a short list of things I absolutely have to do before I die. (What I also found out is that I'm completely insane...I only thought it was partial...) I thought I'd share with you guys...so here it is, in no particular order, my personal bucket list.
1) Save a life...I've always wanted to snatch a little boy from in front of a Mack truck or catch a old lady about to fall into the train tracks or something. I always had superhero fantasies when I was younger, and since I can't throw a car, turn into fire, shoot webs from my wrists or any fly shit like that (yet), that's the closest I feel I'll get...Captain AJ to the rescue lol...
2) Lead a spontaneous choreographed-looking mass public dance...I don't even dance like that, but it would be cool as shit to have random folk in the streets singing some song and gettin their inner Chris Brown (good Chris...he just dances...only Dark Chris goes around gnawing on bitches and carryin on) on in the middle of the street musical-style. People in suits swinging around traffic lights, ties flowing in the wind, hoodrats pop-lockin' on the sidewalk, some dude with a sunni, a white tee and a durag could have a dance solo...seems like fun.
3) Figure out women. Seriously. What's the deal with y'all? Its like every last one of y'all is a different flavor of crazy. I've always said that the 1st man to completely understand women would be rich beyond all measure, and if I'm the lucky mafucka to accomplish that, I can damn near print my own money. Which brings me to...
4) Get rich. I know that's on everybody's list, but I wanna be unsightly rich. The type of rich where I can just give $5,000 to a total stranger. I would change people's lives, man...let it be known here and now that if I ever hit the lottery for some ungodly amount of money, fuck it...all you guys get $10,000 each. (*subject to approval*) There it is, in writing. That's not to say I wouldn't spend any doin foolish rich-guy shit. I would get pipes in my crib that put out formula 50 vitaminwater, buy a share of the Dallas Cowboys, build me an Iron Man suit (which takes care of #1 too) and ride down Broad Street butt-ass nekkid on a gold-plated Segway throwin out Sacagewea dollar coins. (Savor that image lol) Oh yes, it beez like that.
5) Get a strain of tree named after me/this thingy here. Fuck a Nobel Prize, in my eyes, that's one of the greatest honors you can bestow upon a human being. Think about it...if you win a regular award, people won't remember that shit (Quick...no googling...who won the Oscar for Best Actor in 1994? Who won the 3rd American Idol? Who was the MVP of the Stanley Cup Finals last year? Oh, aight...) but if I got some tree named after me, folk can ask for a bag of that umf for as long as exotic exists. That's a great accomplishment from where I'm standing.
6) Skydive. But not just regular skydive, I wanna skydive on a snowboard like Tommy at the beginning of the 1st Power Rangers movie. (If you're reading this, you're around my age...you know what I'm talkin about...don't EVEN fraud like you don't...) At whatever preteen age I saw that movie, I thought it was the single most badass thing of all time and pledged then and there to one day "try this at home". I know, I know...it's risky, dangerous and borderline crazy...but so are most of my weekends, so there you go...
7) Beat the bullshit out of the following people with my bare, vengeful hands for the real or imagined wrongs they have done me: DJ Khaled (he the worst!), dudes who wear denim leggings (aka skinny jeans), Eli Manning (not just because he's a Giant either...every time I see his 1st Down Syndrome lookin ass on TV I want to pummel dude), girls who sing along with their music badly in public/their brothers who listen to songs over speakerphone, Drew Bledsoe (you useless mafucka), people who rock adidas track jackets with non-adidaseses (don't know why, but the shit bothers me), that Shamwow guy (his voice is like styrofoam being taken out of a cardboard box to me), that one guy at work (Mr. Reddock), Weezy from '06-present, throw in Baby/Birdman/Weezy's "daddy"/the man behind the Lugz for good measure and just for all my true 'Boys fans, Jordan Babineaux...I know you were just doing your job, but you coulda let T9 get that 1st down first...its been 3 years, but I haven't forgotten, dude...ima get you. Oh yeah, and trip a kid on Heelys...just for s and g...
That's pretty much it...well, there's a couple other minor ones like doing that flip-up thing off your back onto your feet, driving stick, using a submission move in a street fight (omg, JR...he's got the Sharpshooter locked in!!!), sliding a fool down a bartop, starting a movie style slow-clap, and making a half-court shot to win some prize at a basketball game (I'm sure I've got the arm strength...heave and hope...) but those are the biggies. Any help y'all can give me on these would be much appreciated. I think if I get all or even half of those things done, I will have a happy life...and if I don't get em done, I probably died trying #6. It beez like that sometimes. Aight I'm gonna get to work on makin this shit happen...thx again for your concern. (You asked with your mouse lol)
1) Save a life...I've always wanted to snatch a little boy from in front of a Mack truck or catch a old lady about to fall into the train tracks or something. I always had superhero fantasies when I was younger, and since I can't throw a car, turn into fire, shoot webs from my wrists or any fly shit like that (yet), that's the closest I feel I'll get...Captain AJ to the rescue lol...
2) Lead a spontaneous choreographed-looking mass public dance...I don't even dance like that, but it would be cool as shit to have random folk in the streets singing some song and gettin their inner Chris Brown (good Chris...he just dances...only Dark Chris goes around gnawing on bitches and carryin on) on in the middle of the street musical-style. People in suits swinging around traffic lights, ties flowing in the wind, hoodrats pop-lockin' on the sidewalk, some dude with a sunni, a white tee and a durag could have a dance solo...seems like fun.
3) Figure out women. Seriously. What's the deal with y'all? Its like every last one of y'all is a different flavor of crazy. I've always said that the 1st man to completely understand women would be rich beyond all measure, and if I'm the lucky mafucka to accomplish that, I can damn near print my own money. Which brings me to...
4) Get rich. I know that's on everybody's list, but I wanna be unsightly rich. The type of rich where I can just give $5,000 to a total stranger. I would change people's lives, man...let it be known here and now that if I ever hit the lottery for some ungodly amount of money, fuck it...all you guys get $10,000 each. (*subject to approval*) There it is, in writing. That's not to say I wouldn't spend any doin foolish rich-guy shit. I would get pipes in my crib that put out formula 50 vitaminwater, buy a share of the Dallas Cowboys, build me an Iron Man suit (which takes care of #1 too) and ride down Broad Street butt-ass nekkid on a gold-plated Segway throwin out Sacagewea dollar coins. (Savor that image lol) Oh yes, it beez like that.
5) Get a strain of tree named after me/this thingy here. Fuck a Nobel Prize, in my eyes, that's one of the greatest honors you can bestow upon a human being. Think about it...if you win a regular award, people won't remember that shit (Quick...no googling...who won the Oscar for Best Actor in 1994? Who won the 3rd American Idol? Who was the MVP of the Stanley Cup Finals last year? Oh, aight...) but if I got some tree named after me, folk can ask for a bag of that umf for as long as exotic exists. That's a great accomplishment from where I'm standing.
6) Skydive. But not just regular skydive, I wanna skydive on a snowboard like Tommy at the beginning of the 1st Power Rangers movie. (If you're reading this, you're around my age...you know what I'm talkin about...don't EVEN fraud like you don't...) At whatever preteen age I saw that movie, I thought it was the single most badass thing of all time and pledged then and there to one day "try this at home". I know, I know...it's risky, dangerous and borderline crazy...but so are most of my weekends, so there you go...
7) Beat the bullshit out of the following people with my bare, vengeful hands for the real or imagined wrongs they have done me: DJ Khaled (he the worst!), dudes who wear denim leggings (aka skinny jeans), Eli Manning (not just because he's a Giant either...every time I see his 1st Down Syndrome lookin ass on TV I want to pummel dude), girls who sing along with their music badly in public/their brothers who listen to songs over speakerphone, Drew Bledsoe (you useless mafucka), people who rock adidas track jackets with non-adidaseses (don't know why, but the shit bothers me), that Shamwow guy (his voice is like styrofoam being taken out of a cardboard box to me), that one guy at work (Mr. Reddock), Weezy from '06-present, throw in Baby/Birdman/Weezy's "daddy"/the man behind the Lugz for good measure and just for all my true 'Boys fans, Jordan Babineaux...I know you were just doing your job, but you coulda let T9 get that 1st down first...its been 3 years, but I haven't forgotten, dude...ima get you. Oh yeah, and trip a kid on Heelys...just for s and g...
That's pretty much it...well, there's a couple other minor ones like doing that flip-up thing off your back onto your feet, driving stick, using a submission move in a street fight (omg, JR...he's got the Sharpshooter locked in!!!), sliding a fool down a bartop, starting a movie style slow-clap, and making a half-court shot to win some prize at a basketball game (I'm sure I've got the arm strength...heave and hope...) but those are the biggies. Any help y'all can give me on these would be much appreciated. I think if I get all or even half of those things done, I will have a happy life...and if I don't get em done, I probably died trying #6. It beez like that sometimes. Aight I'm gonna get to work on makin this shit happen...thx again for your concern. (You asked with your mouse lol)
1 comment:
Now you have me thinking about my bucket list. . . I actually acheived some of yours already. Jealous? Lol.
~AV
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