Get your tolerance up...

I'm really sick of folk calling me an alcoholic. That's just not true. Sure I enjoy a drink every now and now (I know what I typed) but I am in no way, shape or form an alcoholic. That's an offensive term for weak minded folk who let the drank control their lives, and I'm afraid that just doesn't describe me. There are a few important differences between your average leisure drinker like me and a true alcoholic. Allow me to enlighten you.

First of all, a real liquor junkie would drink Listerine and wring out rum cakes and suck on those nurse's office alcohol pads and shit. I do none of those things...they're beneath me. (I'm a classy mafucka...I drink Vladimir like a normal person lol...) Alcoholics let alcohol negatively impact their work, family, and social relationships...folk like me find that a drink makes all those things a little more fun...which is positive. Alcoholics hit the bottle right after the alarm clock. I wait until at least 3 for any hard liquor. (Except on Sundays...I feel like if they can drink in church at 8 in the morning I can do it at home...)

Alcoholics binge drink...I party. (I was once told that "binge drinking" is more than 5 drinks in a sitting...so because I drank a 6-pack in one night, I'm a raging boozer? Let's be real here...it takes more than that to even get my world spinning good...6 is nothing...) Most of all, alcoholics go to meetings...I think AA is for quitters. (If you're good at something, you might as well be the best damn whatever that is you can be. Live above the influence...or under it, whatever works for you.)

Point is, I'm sick of being lumped in with brown paper bag toting winos and folk who slurp the spill trays they pour shots over in bars. I realize we might have similar hangouts (bars, clubs, wherever the joy flows) and similar words that catch our attention ("open bar", "on the house", "free drink" ) but we are not the same. Calling a person who just likes a good buzz at times an 'alcoholic' is like calling a person who likes a good nut at times a 'nymphomaniac' or calling a person who pockets a pair of headphones from Best Buy a 'career criminal'...one don't automatically make the other. Its demeaning, degrading and unfair...so please start using the words "liquor enthusiast", "casual drunk", or "Tipsy-American" to describe my people. It's a little more tolerant, and a lot more accurate...thanks, and cheers...