Here it is, the single greatest invention off an infomercial of our generation: the George Foreman grill. It is known and loved by college folk, bachelors, stoners and lazy folk the world over...and for good reason. It's easy to use, cooks effectively, and yes, it does knock out the fat. Knocks it the fuck out. (It's really not gonna make much of a difference if you're eating 4 Foreman cheeseburgers in a sitting, but it's a damn satisfying feeling to sit and watch lard flow out of whatever meat is being cooked and into the included plastic greasetrap. It's, like...healthy or something...)
Its features include a timer so even somebody who stayed in the same basement classroom all through high school could use it, a temperature guage so you don't burn your meat, and a bun warmer on most models. (Who likes chilly buns?) Besides the greasetrap, Foreman, Inc was nice enough to include other great accessories to maximize your indoor grilling pleasure. With its floating, expandable hinges designed to accommodate any size burger from "McDonalds-style DVD size" to the 1/2 pound inch thick meat pucks carnivores like me love to eat, it's a truly genius invention that hasn't got its proper recognition.
It's not even like it just does burgers...you can grill chicken, shrimp kabobs, a really interesting looking grilled cheese sandwich, and experienced Foremanites can even get a filet mignon or something going on the mafucka. (You can even steam some veggies in the bun warmer if you're real creative lol) Seriously, it just works. I can't cook to save my asscrack, but damn it if I (or any dunce) can't work a Foreman grill like I'm Iron Chef Philly. Thanks to the Foreman, my non cookin eatin habits not only include takeout, Hot Pockets, roman noodles, pizza, and Hamburger Helper, but wonderful grilled delicacies as well...that's good shit! I envision a day where the Foreman is one day just as popular as the microwave...it's just as essential for me.
Who invented it anyway? Don't answer "George Foreman"...I refuse to believe that a man who spent more than half his life getting struck upside the dome for money could retire and create a device as wonderful as this. (Yes, for those of you who don't know, Georgie wasn't always a squinty eyed grill mogul...he was also a world championship boxer a long ass time ago, and it's crazy that his greatest acheivement wasn't winning the heavyweight belt, but endorsing a device with hinges that float like a butterfly and cook food fat free...) He just has his name on it. I just know somewhere there is some guy not getting any credit for this, and his (or her, ladies...let's skip it...) life really must suck for that besides...you know...the unholy stash of money I hope he made inventing it. (He's probably getting royalties, but juuuust maybe George Foreman simply beat him up and stole his patent...the shit happens sometimes.) Whatever tho...credit where it's due, and this one is for you, non-credited real Foreman grill inventor guy. May the sun always warm you, the wind be at your back and all your charms be lucky. If we ever meet...burgers on me, obviously...
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