Wildin'

When will people learn to leave animals the fuck alone? Like seriously...they're animals. Do you know why they call people who do fucked up and vicious things "animals"? Because animals do fucked up and vicious things. It's in their nature. That's why I never really messed around with those animal shows where they make kangaroos ride bikes or people who call themselves tiger tamers and shit...mafucka, you ain't taming a damn thing! It's a wild animal!

Case in point: Just yesterday a killer whale trainer was killed just before 'they' (meaning the whale...the trainer doesn't do shit but give orders and throw fish...ooh, impressive...the whale's not obeying you, it's hungry) were supposed to perform. The whale, apparently tired of jumping through hoops and re-enacting scenes from "Free Willy", turned on its trainer. It leaped out of the pool, grabbed the bitch in both fins before slapping her around a bit, crushing her bones with its body and finally dragging her down to a watery grave.

Aight, so number one...its a killer whale. KILLER. What don't you understand about that? You know why they call them 'poisonous snakes'? Because they poison. You know why they call them 'electric eels'? Because they electrocute. Fire ants? Stinging jellyfish? You follow me here? Not only that, but this particular whale isn't a first time killer. This is the 3rd trainer that the whale in question has drowned, mauled, or otherwise sent to find out which religion was correct. (Seriously, we have to start applying the law to animals...this whale should spend the next 20-40 years in Bikini Bottom Jail like any other undersea criminal...) If you're fuckin around with a killer whale with 3 bodies on its rap sheet, you're rolling the dice with your life.

You would think people would have learned after that baboon ripped that lady's face off like the paper off the top of a can of Pringles but noooooo...mafuckas just don't know when to stop! Its cool though...don't listen to me, go right on head...stick your head in that lion's mouth, wrestle that alligator, try and slow dance with that grizzly bear if the fuck you want...just don't come cryin to me when you wake up dead. There's a reason they call that show "WHEN animals attack" and not "IF animals attack"...it's only a matter of time until they show their wild side.