go, go Power Rangers!

So recently it was called to my attention (thx again, AV) that the original Power Rangers is being shown on Saturdays on ABC. Not Power Rangers in Space, or Power Rangers Time Force Dino Fusion or Power Rangers in the Hood...just regular old Power Rangers. (They package them as "all new" episodes, even though they're about as all new as the next Tupac album...I love the explanation they give: "*main villiain* Rita has transported the channel back in time for another shot at destroying the Power Rangers!" They're not reruns, they're a rematch! Ooooh!) Being 21, I was around 10 when the show came out and thus I was a true Rangerphile. I loved that show and all the merchandise associated with it...I'm pretty sure I made my parents buy Power Ranger dish soap for a few years.In case it's been that long since you've seen it, I'll put an episode in a nutshell.

It usually starts with Tommy (Green/White Ranger, leader, and coolest guy ever), Jason (Red Ranger and demoted ex-leader), Billy (Blue Ranger, resident geek and tech wizard), Kimberly (Pink Ranger, obligatory love interest for Tommy), Trini (Yellow Ranger, Asian, *yeah, I know!* least liked Ranger, really just there for cultural diversity) and Zack (Black Ranger, black man, black catchphrases, blackity-black...he mostly said "Yo" and stayed out of the way) chilling at some high school function, even tho every last one of them looked 21+. 

The kids would wear the same color as the Ranger they were every day and would be the only set of 6 kids to disappear when the 6 Power Rangers appeared. However, nobody in Angel Grove (the Rangers' perpetually sunny Southern Cali hometown) picked up on this, possibly because the town was full of retards.

 Then they would be summoned by Zordon,a giant floating head in a tube (ever seen the Ludacris video "How Low Can You Go?" Remember the part where Luda is a ghostly, disembodied head in a mirror? That's pretty much Zordon...well, except in the movie, where Zordon was a raisin with a head) to beat up some Putties. 

Putties were weak, nondescript enemies sent by Rita to occupy about 7 minutes per episode and allow the Rangers to show off their excessively showy fighting style. They had one fatal flaw, a button that would make them explode...it was a foot around and on the center of their chests...not the best design. After that, some themed monster would usually appear and the Rangers would morph into their brightly colored superhero jumpsuits (even though they seemed to fight just as well in street clothes) and struggle with the monster for a while. 

The monster would hit them, and inexplicable sparks would fly out of the Rangers' spandex outfits. Then the Rangers would get it together and eventually defeat the monster, usually with some combined weapon or special attack. It was never over tho...Rita would then make the monster grow to about 200 feet tall (every single time...you would think she would learn that doesn't work after the 1st 50 times) and the Rangers would call on their Zords.

These were giant dinosaur robots which somehow were kept all over the world in volcanoes and forests and shit, yet still managed to all arrive at the same time. They would come together to form the MegaZord, a even bigger humanoid robot, and after being mysteriously transported to a desolate wasteland inconceivably located right outside their sunny SoCal locale, the fight between the robot and monster (2 people in robot and monster costumes) would begin...and end just as quickly. 

Usually all it took was one sword slash for the Rangers to come out on top. (This, of course, raises the question that if the Rangers knew the thing was gonna get big and give them problems anyway, why didn't they just call the MegaZord from jump street and just stomp it flat? Anyways...) The Rangers, their jobs done, would then simply just go back to the smoothie bar and hang out until tomorrow, when the whole thing would happen again. That describes more or less every episode ever. 

Yes, looking back it was incredibly repetitive and predictable...yes, the effects were 10 years behind their time even in '93 and you could see the zippers on the costumes the monsters wore sometimes...yes, it caused thousands of kids to break arms, scrape knees and bust heads doing back semis off of jungle gyms in imitations of their favorite Ranger...but it was great, I loved it, and the hour I spent watching it this weekend took me back to a better time. Morphinomenal!