Like once a month I actually get up from this chair I'm typing in and walk 4 blocks (now that I've done physical labor, I feel justified in taking the rest of the day off while still in the office) to make deliveries from the office I work in over to the courts we power when the dickhead attorneys I work around forget their case files. (How a lawyer goes to court without case files is beyond me...you kinda need that...it's like a cop forgetting his gun on the dining room table or LeBron James showing up for his 1st practice with Miami in dress shoes..."Oh damn, sorry guys, left my sneakers in Ohio, but I can still play in these penny loafers tho, right?") It's not really my job, but I figure small favors to the workplace are a fair trade for my late arrivals, early exits, long breaks, and hour and a half lunches.
Anyway, on the way back from one of these, there I was walking and texting away when in my owl-like peripherals I saw a bald...um...woman? His/her head glistened in the sun like a cultured brown pearl produced by a transsexual clam, and the glint from its reflective dome pulled my eye away from my phone...that's when I saw that either its wardrobe was malfuctioning, its skirt was running away from its dick, or she had on a really bad Last Airbender costume...either way the entire left asscheek was exposed for all of downtown Philly to see. I knew then it was ninja time.
I walked calmly past it, pretending not to notice but already unsheathing my camera app. I had to use all of my not inconsiderable camera phone ninja experience...taking pics on the sly requires stealth and strategy...but what technique should I use? The no-look underhand palm shot? The "you think I'm using my phone as a mirror but taking your picture right in front of your face" move? The over-the-shoulder flick? No...this was a job for the text-message fakeout...
I spun into a lean on a light post, pulled my hat down low over my eyes, held my phone in both hands while flailing my thumbs around and slowly leveling my lens and waited for the moment...my finger quivered on the trigger of my camera like a sniper as I waited for an opening. I was almost distracted by some chick who must also be a camera phone ninja when she walked by and gave me a knowing glance before she smiled and moved on...but I was able to steel my mind and keep my focus on that shemale's buttcheek. (I really never thought I would type that sentence.) All of a sudden, there it was! I pressed the shutter button and disappeared in a puff of cigarette smoke blown by a passerby. From a block away, I saw it finally fix the problem...but the damage was done.She was now the butt of my jokes...and that is the great honor in being a camera phone ninja...watch out, Philly...lol...
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