The Other Other Guys

*fittedwearer's note: lol

Story (just in case you think I make this shit up)

Sometimes, you don't have to say "fuck the police"...at times, they do a good enough job of fucking themselves. Case in point, 2 unnamed Philadelphia Police officers are on desk duty (that's cop talk for "receptionist with a badge") after being implicated in one of the dumbest robbery attempts I've ever heard of. You thought those Drexel assholes from earlier this week were bad? They look like valedictorians compared to these two. In fact, I dare say that these are two of the least intelligent law enforcement officials in Philly, and that's really saying something.

Late Tuesday night, 2 cops responded to a tripped burgular alarm at a Northeast Philly bar called Pat's Cafe. (Philadelphians, if you've heard that name before on the news, it's because some other officer was shot and killed on duty there in 2006...there's a plaque there and everything...way to pay tribute, guys!) It turned out to be a false alarm...probably just an alley cat or an Eagles fan enjoying a late dinner from a dumpster behind the restaurant...but these 2 members of Philly's Finest decided that their duty did not end here.

After breaking into the restaurant, (I'm sure it was just to see if the alarm was really working or not) they sat down, flipped on the tube, and got a few drinks on the house. Now normally that's a relaxing evening, but the rules change slightly when you're a police officer on active duty in full uniform. Instead of protecting and serving the Philadelphians they had sworn to, they were just serving themselves...over and over. After a while on bar duty, one of the bacon boys hatched a genius scheme: since we're breaking about 17 laws already, why not walk into the basement and lighten the safe a little? (You get the feeling that these 2 went to the Alonzo Harris school of cop work: "We the police, we can do whatever the fuck we want...")

At that point, I guess they decided that they had a good enough story to tell back at the precinct and took their leave and a total of about $1100...with one small problem: the dozen or so cameras trained on the outside of the building and all up and down the street. (See, not so nice when it works against y'all, is it?!) In the morning, the employees walked in and saw that the place had clearly been robbed and called the police like they tell us to do. How could they have known that the cops they were calling had just switched shifts with the ham hocks responsible? (It reminds me of an old cop joke: how do you reach a crooked cop? Dial 911...doesn't really matter who picks up...)

Of course, once the footage was reviewed and the truth of the matter came out, the officers were arrested and sent to prison like any other citizen who had broken the law in an extremely retarded manner. Oh wait, didn't I say before they were just removed from active duty and given a job at (or as) a desk? Yeah, that's what I meant...I was just fuckin with you. Amazingly, they are still collecting paychecks from the city despite robbing it of time, security, and actual money, but its only a matter of time until they end up behind bars instead of in one. (Hey...at least they got caught before they could make up "unidentified black suspects" like my other cop homie Robert Ralston.) Crooked cops are nothing new in this city...it just warms my heart when some dirty little piggies are sent crying "wee, wee, wee" all the way to jail...so yeah, once again...lol...