fittedwearer's note: Recently, I decided I was pretty damn dependent on this thing I'm typing on right now and wondered if I could actually live without it. So Sunday night, I did just that. (well, delayed paying for my service so I couldn't use it if I wanted to...like a fat person supergluing their mouth shut as a diet.) Some people said it would be liberating and that my life would be better without one...I say those people lied. It was awful, just awful...but at least I got a post out of it. (And learned to never do that shit again!)
I'm addicted to my smartphone, anybody can see
I have it all the time like it's grafted to me
I'm never caught without it, like my fitted cap
I was so bored without it I had time to write this rap
Oh, why was I phoneless? ex-communicated?
Cut off from the world? Sent back to the 80s?
(Didn't know how people did it, lived without a mobile
its the best invention ever, I'm an addict, I told you...)
what the fuck was I doing? An antisocial experiment
to see if I REALLY needed my phone everywhere I went
I didn't pay the bill on purpose, fuck the invoice
Just in case I got weak, I denied myself the choice
to post on umf or change my Facebook status
or even send texts. (Which drove me the maddest)
I hated each minute, every clockstroke was painful
how much I missed my phone would fuckin amaze you
I woke up yesterday and borrowed a phone
from a guest who had stayed the night at my home
called in sick to my job, don't call me a jerk
sans cell phone I would be forced to actually work!
phoneless, work's boring, depressing, the pits
so I called them up and I said "fuck that shit"
see, with my g1 I can mass murder time
chat, surf the net, and type these sick rhymes
Without it, I'm Amish, no computer or phone
I knew my day would suck, I stayed my ass home
I was left without texting, could send no emails
I shunned all my homies and blew off females
I neglected jumpoffs, off the grid indeed
couldn't even call my dealer for weed
I detested my text-ile, my complete iSolation
could not summon friends, call them to my location
I felt like a person in a 3rd world nation
went into withdrawals, I thought I'd go crazy
my neck itched and I scratched, just like a crack fiend
non smartphonites don't know what it means
to have your life wired, then just cut the cord
I didn't quite die, but I damn sure was bored
I couldn't go 40, but I made it one day
but it really sucks trying to "live" that way
fuck it, I'm young, don't need it but I want it
without it the growth of my social life was stunted
found I COULD live without it, don't mean that I should
I COULD do a lot, like peel my manhood
with a paring knife or walk to Nebraska
(or go there on purpose, who does that, I ask you!?)
I COULD piss in trashcans or punch out a cop
I COULD trip old people, fuck myself with a mop
I COULD go streaking, or microwave foil
put my balls in a pot and bring it to a boil
I COULD burn my hats, COULD spit in the wind
COULD stop liking the Cowboys, but that'd be a sin
COULD jump a half blind man and poke out his good eye
the point is I can, but why the fuck would I?
I can live phoneless, I just choose to live with
my phone at the ready for texting and shit
yeah I'm addicted, but what's wrong with that?
strung out on T-Mobile, but it COULD be crack...
now that I've detoxed, I'm in a position
to say that my smartphone's a harmless addiction
I learned a lot phoneless, but I've had my fill
now excuse me, fuck this...I'm paying my bill...