What super heroine would your perfect girl be most like?
Oh, it's gotta be Mrs. Incredible...she's a good mom, she cooks, she cleans, plus do I have to sit here and explain to a (probably) grown person why having an elastic sex partner would be great? I don't think I do...lol...
Ideally, you and your future wife would have a combined weight of...
lol...What are we, a wrestling tag team? Um...let's see, I'm 230ish so...maybe around 400?
SOO... Bermuda Triangle, Landing Strip, Tamed Garden, Bald Eagle ORRR Full on Chewbacca?!?!?!?
lololol...its funny how I've literally never heard 4 of those terms but know what you're talking about...I'll accept any of the 1st 3, but "Bald Eagle" reminds me of a 12 yr old girl and Chewbacca...just no. Picking hairs from between my teeth es no bueno...haha good one!
Have you had sex with any of your readers?
hahaha...technically, I guess... (it sounds way cooler if I don't explain further...)
Why are the SAINTS so awesome? P.S. BlackNGold 2 the superbowl!!!!
Admittedly they are...they're the current Super Bowl champs, dontcha kneaux...but don't expect a repeat, my 'Boys are ready this year!
How do you think your last girlfriend would describe you all's relationship?
Hmm....I really don't know..."over" I guess...lol...
So you think drunk driving is ok?
Okay, so I can see where you would get that from the post yesterday, but let me make this clear: if there are any other options (cab ride, lift from a friend, train, crashing for the night) you should avoid driving drunk at all costs. That said, everybody's gotta get home and I'm sure many of y'all have hopped in the car while not stone cold sober...but you were still functional.
Now, if you're falling all over yourself and throwing up on the door handle while trying to drunkdial an ex, you probably shouldn't drive...but if you can sleep it off a little then get going, I don't have a problem with that. Sure drunk driving kills people (not as many as texting while driving, but still...), but so does sober driving if you suck at it, like many folk do...so just drive like you have some gahdamn sense, and you should be fine either way.
Have you ever been arrested?
Yeah...but once again, it sounds way cooler if I don't explain further...
Love the letter, but you do know there ARE Cheaters DVDs, right?
No, I didn't...now I do. What I don't know is what the fuck kind of readers I have that wouldn't tell me this the same day lol...even worse, I actually know some of yall! You coulda mentioned that. What the hell, man...a few of you have even been to the Treehouse to smoke and watch it (I call them "Chief and Cheat" sessions) ...nobody thought to bring the damn DVD? Fuck y'all...for real. Grr.
You really write all this yourself?
Every last pun...I don't know, it just kinda comes to me...whatever it is, I hope I don't find the "off" switch on it...
If a girl says "no" to The Question, can they still be good?
You know what, I'll answer you in post form...thanks for that...
lol where the fuck do you come up with these horrible but interesting food creations?
Well, they say necessity is the mother of invention...and if that's so, intoxcation is its proud father...there are some things in this world that nobody sober came up with...lava lamps, cheese fries...hell, the Shake Weight? Yeah, Bachelor Kitchen is definitely a mix of ingenuity and inebriation (probably should be indigestion too, but I have the digestive system of Adam from Man v. Food...well, almost...)
If one of your readers found your number somehow and called you, would you answer?
No...I don't answer unknown numbers (or the phone, barely) at all...they'd have a much better shot with a text, I'm always moving my thumbs...lol...
How many readers do you think you have?
That's a good question...and the honest answer is "I don't know"...I know I have like 20 subscribers and get 100 views on a good day, so accounting for ghostreaders without Google accounts, somewhere between 30 and 70 would be my guess... (hey, it's more than the 6 I started out with...feel free to bring friends though :) )
What's your favorite post of yours?
That's like asking a mother which kid is her favorite...jeez man! Just for fun though, I'll throw a few out in no real order:
1) "What I learned in '09"
2) "I just don't see it: Nicki Minaj"
3) "The Rude, Crude Fast Food Attitude"
4) "Cut 101"
5) "Social Networking"
6) "Red, Red Wine"
7) "What the Friday"
I also had a ball writing the Hoodrat field guide, and I have to mention that letter I wrote to ya'll...I meant that shit.
Looks like that's it for this week...was it good for you too? lol...anyway, if you wanna get answered (or just all up in my business) next Wednesday, there's a blue question box somewhere >over there> ...but if you can't or dont wanna find it, I put the link down there every week: