The other day I was calmly flipping through channels looking for some decent background noise to text by when I saw this commercial for Kotex feminine shit. It featured an undercover female asking random dudes off the street would they go in the nearby drugstore and buy her some Kotex lady levees, a request that was denied by every party shown. (My personal favorite response was "I just won't do it." ...way to tell her what's what!) Apparently this has been a source of vexation among females for some time.
Now, what exactly they were trying to prove by having some unknown ass chick stroll up on dudes and ask them to do something a lot of guys wouldn't do for their actual girlfriends (and a lady never asks...you know when your tide comes in, have your sandbags ready!) isn't clear, nor is why she needed these gentlemen to actually purchase them for her like a 17 year old standing outside a liquor store asking passerby to go in and get him a Wild Berry Boone's Farm (scrap that bike lock bullshit...put a used tampon on the ground near it and I bet no man comes within 5 feet of it)...what I did get is that the commercial ends with the tagline "why are tampons such a big deal?" That, ladies and Kotex corporation, I can answer. Tampons are a big deal because they're not part of our lifestyle and are also very eww.
Any man who needs a tampon has bigger problems than who's going to get them for him. I'm not sure where this new expectation for us to just happily discuss the goings on of a woman's internals during the Forbidden Week came from, but I can passionately assure you that don't nobody wanna hear that shit. We realize that it's necessary, but so are prostate exams (for now) and I'm sure getting one's bunghole probed isn't great dinner conversation. Urinals are also male-exclusive, but nobody talks about them outside the bathroom...this should be right in that same category.
The fact is, to men anything that bleeds for 5 days should have been dead the first one and to be reminded of the exception to that fundamental rule fucks with us on a very visceral level. So yeah...as a matter of fact it is kind of a big deal. It's not cute, cool, attractive, sexy, or anything else positive...it's just icky. Yeah, I typed it...icky. It is, and I don't care how cool the box it comes in is, how hot the asker is, or what the tampon makers think of my anti-tampon ways...much like me for those 5 days, it's not going down. Call me sexist, call me immature, call me Ishmael...I just won't do it. Sorry, y'all... (but not really...lol)
Any man who needs a tampon has bigger problems than who's going to get them for him. I'm not sure where this new expectation for us to just happily discuss the goings on of a woman's internals during the Forbidden Week came from, but I can passionately assure you that don't nobody wanna hear that shit. We realize that it's necessary, but so are prostate exams (for now) and I'm sure getting one's bunghole probed isn't great dinner conversation. Urinals are also male-exclusive, but nobody talks about them outside the bathroom...this should be right in that same category.
The fact is, to men anything that bleeds for 5 days should have been dead the first one and to be reminded of the exception to that fundamental rule fucks with us on a very visceral level. So yeah...as a matter of fact it is kind of a big deal. It's not cute, cool, attractive, sexy, or anything else positive...it's just icky. Yeah, I typed it...icky. It is, and I don't care how cool the box it comes in is, how hot the asker is, or what the tampon makers think of my anti-tampon ways...much like me for those 5 days, it's not going down. Call me sexist, call me immature, call me Ishmael...I just won't do it. Sorry, y'all... (but not really...lol)
7 comments:
Lol! Loved the post! I will however do a post on my blog that shows how a tampon can be used as a survival tool. That'll be tomorrow's post. If you can send a link to it on your blog. Thanks bro!
One tampon post per year, thx...
My old boss was literally so freaked out by the word that whenever he'd barge in on a conversation where he wasn't welcome, one of us would just say something like 'God, my tampon itches' and he'd flee the room faster than the Roadrunner.
Now that's just wrong...effective and funny, but wrong...
Am I crazy or did you just say women are icky and should die?
You're crazy. Crazier than a turtle with nipples. I would never wish death upon femalekind, otherwise life would be a real sausage fest...also, I'm heterosexual, so I would never call chicks "icky"...now, the cycle and all its byproducts? Definitely icky. You've been to high school health class, come on! It's icky, admit it, ADMIT IT!
Talk about an 'ewww' factor! Gotta say, don't know if I'd do it. Since I'm always packing (and I'm not talking about a gun), I'd probably just give her some supplies so she can handle the situation later herself.
Gotta say, though, this reminds me of one of the funniest movie scenes ever -- Michael Keaton buying tampons in "Mr. Mom." Hilarious!!
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