You see this? This is the sign that was posted on the office refrigerator this morning. This shit is sad...in case you weren't here for the PSA on the subject, we have a problem around here with sticky fingers, especially involving delicious lunchtime edibles. (Although it definitely doesn't have to be tasty to be a target...I got 2 chargers stolen within a month. I even wrote a letter about it...) Apparently, we have such a rampant epidemic of food filching that there actually has to be an office charity hotline for all the poor, starving, gainfully employed people who were so depleted by a morning of sitting on their asses looking busy and tweeting that they just had to steal somebody's lunch to survive. ¿Que el fuck?
Now, it goes without typing that office lunchthievery is a heinous, evil crime on par with slinging puppies into a river, but what fucks me up about this is I work in an office of so-called "professionals"...legal professionals at that. Seriously, how does one actually steal somebody's lunch out of the office refrigerator and then go to court and litigate? Hell, how do you ever look them in the eye again? I know if I swiped somebody's Panda Express, I couldn't bear the guilt...it would consume me faster than I consumed it. The taste of teriyaki and shame would be in my mouth all day. A full stomach is just not worth an empty soul to me.
Besides...when do they get time to eat the stolen lunches? Maybe it's just me, but I remember the adage "there's no such thing as a free lunch", and that's true even if you're eating a hot lunch because the price is your dignity. It can't be fun standing in a dark corner of some file room or hiding under one's desk in a suit and tie wolfing down a half eaten burrito to avoid being caught like a kid who smuggled a box of Ring-Dings into fat camp. The shit is unseemly as all hell...but I guess when you work with lawyers, you work "with criminals". Hmm...since they're hungry attorneys, maybe they wouldn't mind being served some justice...stay tuned... ;)
9 comments:
Our food got stolen all the time at the last place I worked. It was the OWNER and he thought it was funny. Not funny to the person who doesn't have five bucks to buy a new lunch, asshole. Guess that's why he was rolling in the big Lexus SUV while we all drove beaters.
Wow that's the worst...the owner though?! You're better than me for not retaliating, I would have baked a small stromboli filled with cheese, pepperoni and shards o' glass and left it in there...or at least paid a crackhead to take a shit on the hood of his fancy car then finger paint with it...that's fucked all the way up.
Lol... This is hysterical... and you are too talented! Great stuff. Will visit often for more humor and your random thoughts. :) Best!
Thanks Bella, I appreciate you saying that...glad you got a laugh or 2 out of it...and you better be back or I'll cry...lol...welcome to umf!
I seriously look forward to your post, sometimes I am laughing so hard I am crying and I definitely need it where I work. You are talented, you need to write a book!! I love it!!!
I would have to cut a bitch if someone stole my sandwich.
One advantage to being a cabbie - no colleagues to steal my lunch.
@ P.M. Vincent- lol thanks! wow, I'm flattered as hell, I don't even know what to say...um, I love you too!
@ CookingAsshole_ Yeah, that sounds about right...especially that BLT you described, I would have to straight gut a colleague over that shit.
@ Johannthecabbie- True...you know, I've NEVER seen a cabbie eat! Random fact, but true...I'm sure y'all do, I just kind of never thought about it lol...
Wow so they posted a sign up sheet for those willing to buy lunch. SMH but I was so take them up on that to. If I couldn't trick up some Taco Bell money that is.
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