Anyway, in case you couldn't tell from the picture that accompanied Monday's post (or were too busy staring at my "superjunk" like at least one of you people hahaha) I won a bottle of this stuff for my heroic Halloween costume at a party last Friday. As soon as I got my prize, I took a look at the Pinnacle vodka and noticed that it was cotton candy flavored. Obviously I was less than enamored to receive an adult beverage clearly intended for those with less Y chromosomes than myself, but hell...it's alcohol...why waste it? (Besides, the choice of liquor made it that much more evident that the bottle was meant to be won by a chick, which made the upset victory that much more satisfying...)
I got it home and didn't touch it for a couple days. (Which is a minor miracle in and of itself.) The highly estrogenic nature of the drank made me hesitant to make it my first choice...or my second....or third. Then Sunday happened, and around 5pm that day I just about ran out of beer. Payday not being until next Monday and state stores closed even if I had had bottle money, I was still in pretty desperate need of some alcohol. That's when I spied my hero hooch on top of the fridge where I had almost forgotten about it. Funny thing about needing a drink...it's the same as needing sex, when your options are decreased, your standards tend to follow suit (and both can lead to buying something cheap that will make you sick in the morning). Ironically, it was at this low point that I finally reached the Pinnacle.
I cracked the bottle and was immediately punched in the nose by the sickeningly sweet scent of cotton candy. It was like instead of using potatoes or grapes or grains...whatever grows into vodka nowadays...they fermented cotton candy itself into alcohol. However, after watching some football game earlier, I was in no mood to be picky. I poured a shot and took it so fast I forgot to note what it tasted like. Ditto for number 2 10 seconds later.
It took 3 before I noticed that my entire mouth tasted like I had gotten orally intimate with a woman made entirely of cotton candy...and since cotton candy is sugar flavored, it was pretty much like pouring sugar into vodka and drinking it. The shit was so damn sugary I had to wash my mouth out with my last swig of Steel Reserve. (I'm a classy guy, right? Nothing mixes better than carnival food flavored booze and malt liquor. I'm waiting for Pinnacle Funnel Cake vodka so I can take down a 40 of King Cobra with it lol) Seriously, even as my buzz set in, I found myself wondering if it was intoxication or diabetic shock. All that typed, it did do what alcohol was supposed to do, namely getcha drunk.
Would I ever buy it with my own money? No. Do I ever plan on drinking another drop of the stuff once the bottle is empty? No. Would I recommend it to you? Well if you're desperate because your favorite sports team is having a monthlong suckfest or you have a pseudosexual attraction to cotton candy, then absolutely. (Only one of those applies to me, and I wish it were the other...at least then life would be sweeter overall.) Anybody else...not so much. There seems to be a new flavor of vodka every day, and the law of averages dictates that some are gonna miss...this, in my opinion, is one of them. Pinnacle needs to go back to the drawing board on this one. (Which, again, won't stop me from finishing it...hey, I wore a spandex jumpsuit for this shit, you damn right I'm gonna kill the bottle! Oh, and thanks again for the free drank, costume judging committee...not your fault I have a dick.) Hey, at least they have the Cherry Lemonade flavor... Happy Friday umf!
2 reasons this post doesnt suck:
I'm gagging...still gagging...yep. Definitely still gagging. And retching a bit, too.
It wasn't quite THAT bad...but it was close. I still have a little less than half the bottle sitting in my place right now and it's been a solid week. That should tell you everything you need to know lol...
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