However, what many women don't know is that that 15% is a luxury tax, the proceeds of which go to many fine programs in society that benefit women every day. Most everyone I know has to pay for their benefits, and women are no different...oh, you don't know about these programs? Well let me enlighten you:
-About 10% of the proceeds go to keeping women out of the Selective Service. You see, in a country where 80% of the population is somehow unfit for military duty, voluntary enlistment is at historic low levels, and wars may continue up to 7 years after the "end of major combat operations", the draft may return at some time...and as of now, 100% of women are ineligible for that.
Of course, there would be women who would sign up in wartime to defend our country, but you can thank the deduction in your pay for the choice...after all, in twentyten men and women are equal, which means Jane could take a bullet just as well as Dick...but since you pay the tax, you don't have to.
- 24% of the proceeds from the tax go to express passes from dangerous situations such as cruise line crashes and burning buildings. You ever heard the term "women and children first?", it happens that way because y'all pay the tax, and thus get early departure privileges. (Children, as always, are free under 12.) It's like an rescue EZpass. You read right, that's not chivalry...it died of natural causes a couple decades ago. That's the luxury tax hard at work for you.
-20% of the proceeds go to that extra 5 years of life chicks get on average. Peep, the average lifespan for a healthy human male is about 74 years, a female around 79. But with Social Security rapidly drying up, some even estimating it'll be fully sucked up by 2050, measures will eventually have to be taken to decrease payout, including the raising of the full retirement age, which is already 70.
If it is increased just a few years, it means that the average man will never see a dime of Social Security while the average woman will see 5+ years of checks. Despite the decreased pay through most of your life, you're getting a return on the back end...which is in no way a sex joke, but might be made into one if I was talking about people under 70.
-Like 14% goes to ridiculous alimony settlements. You see, it's about as hard for a living man to collect alimony as it is for a dead man to collect Pokémon cards, but you can expect if there's money involved and no prenup, the woman will get her payday. Why is this? Because she paid into the pot on the luxury tax. (Tiger! I'm sorry, I tried to get through that one without a reference to that, but much like him lately, I just couldn't make the cut.) Fair is fair...kinda.
- A good 18.5% goes to funding more sick days, which the average woman takes, and extended maternity leaves, which the average man does not.
- 8% is a global tolerance fee for the 5 days a month where...ah, fuck it, you know where this is going. (Its not worth it to finish that joke. Another .5% goes to making observations like that, even facetious ones, politically incorrect, and there's probably a fine involved...or at least a misogyny accusation, which is absurd because I love bitches.)
- Typically, 10% of the pot is left unearmarked for ventures like ladies nights all over the world, various girl power movements and the WNBA. (Something is keeping that thing afloat, right?)
Hopefully, ladies, you found this look into what happens to your money when you notice that your check and the guy across the hall's check are about 15% apart compelling and rich. Personally, I think it's a really good deal...you're getting a lot for your money. Hell, if it wasn't for childbirth and the loss of mobile urination, I would switch positions with y'all in a second. Anyway, thanks for reading. I realize it's probably the last time for like half of y'all...lol...