Bachelor Kitchen: Psychedelic Explosion Brownies

Tell me that doesn't look good, high or sober. What you see here is a marvel of culinary innovation previously unmatched by mortal humans, carefully crafted in observation of a beloved holiday. Okay, it's just a tray of fancy ass weed brownies, but I can pretty much guarantee these devil's food caramel filled brownies packed with M&Ms are some of the best weed brownies in their class. The secret, of course, is the cannabis-infused butter (if you insist, you can use regular square butter...they're pretty awesome as normal munchies too), which can be made quite easily:

Cannabutter

What you will need:
a small pan
a large pan
a paid electric/gas bill
canna (finely ground)
butter (2 sticks for every quarter-ounce of marijuana you use)

Follow me closely, I know if you really want to make this stuff and have the means to, you're probably pretty high right now. It's cool, I'll keep this part short. Take the large pan, fill it a quarter of the way with water, and bring it to a boil (on the stove, genius). When it's boiling, take the butter, place it in the small pan, and place it in...yes, in...the large pan. This forms a crude double boiler, which you want to use to not have a bunch of burnt butter and weed on the bottom of a pan...it won't even get you high any more if that happens. (I know that's enough to scare you into following instructions.)

Once the butter melts, dump your finely ground herbs into the butter and stir. The melted butter will turn vaguely green...if that happens, you haven't fucked up yet. Keep the entire rig-up at a low boil for about one and a half episodes of "Cheaters", stirring occasionally. Eventually, all the butter will have turned green, and that's your signal that all the fat-soluble THC (if you don't know what that is, you don't need to be smoking) has been absorbed by the butter. Congratulations, you just made a batch of cannabutter!

Strain the now-useless herb out of the butter and pour it into a container. (You can't smoke it any more, don't try it!) It's butter, and can be used for all butter purposes...let your imagination run wild. We're using it to make these brownies today, so keep it handy...but if you want, you can keep it for up to 2 weeks in the fridge. Got it? Cool. Let's start this brownie recipe...

Psychedelic Explosion Brownies

What you will need:
1 (14 ounce) package individually wrapped caramels (and enough weed to make unwrapping the little fuckers tolerable)
2/3 cup evaporated milk
1 package chocolate cake mix
That butter we made (3/4 cup)
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 packs of M&Ms (or whatever small candies you like...I picked preztel M&Ms, but any work...hell, throw marshmallows and mocha Pop Rocks in there for all I care)
more weed, of course

1) Preheat oven to 350 degrees (Fahrenheit, I'm American, get over it.) Since ingestion of cannabis has a longer onset period than combustion--stop looking at me like that! *sigh* Fine, since it takes longer to get high eating weed than smoking it (but it lasts way longer), feel free to bridge the gap and kill time waiting for the oven to heat up with a fine smokable.

2) Grease (or butter, or Pam, or...whatever...) one 9x13 inch baking dish. You know you don't feel like cleaning up or washing shit, so spend a dollar and buy an aluminum one.

3) Take your unwrapped caramels (if you can get them out of the arthritis claw you get from half an hour unwrapping caramels) and put them in a pot with half of your evaporated milk on very low heat, stirring occasionally until smooth...which takes a long ass time. Feel free to take a bong hit or 2.

4) In a bowl, combine everything but the caramel mixture. Mix well and spread about 1/2 of the batter into the prepared pan. This recipe does not contain eggs, so if you get the munchies you can snack on a couple spoonfuls of batter...but don't eat it all, then you won't have brownies...duh.

5) Bake for 5 minutes. Then go back into the kitchen and place the brownie batter into the preheated oven for 8.

6) Spoon the smooth caramel mixture over the top, and with a teaspoon drop the remaining 1/2 of the batter evenly over the caramel. As you can see, neatness does not count. Put your brownies back in for 20 minutes.

7) Roll up. Smoke out. Update your Facebook status. By then, 20 minutes should have passed. Take the brownies out of the oven and let cool for...as long as you can balance the equation between time without brownies and the risk of a burnt mouth. That's it, you're done! Celebrate with a victory cigar...split in half, spiced up, and repurposed, naturally.

There you have it, the Psychedelic Explosion. These things are...well, mind-blowing. Try not to eat them all in one day, and if you make the mistake of telling people on Facebook you made them, be sure to put an asterisk on any promises you may make to give them to people if you won't see them for a while...say, until Monday...lol... Happy baking, umf!