Back to School- The Intro

Well, it's almost that time of year again...all over the country, temperatures are rising and class attendance rates are falling...it's just about time for summer vacation in schools. Now, it's been a good 5 years since I last stepped into a classroom of any kind (and I don't plan on it anytime soon), so I don't get a summer vacation of any kind any more...it sucks, but I've been thinking. Since the year is almost over, it's only appropriate that the schools get a final examination too...and that's what this series will be about. I'm going to take a good hard look at just what your kids (or you) are getting out of (and into during) the mandatory 12 years that one must spend 8 hours of every weekday in school.

I've touched on this subject once or twice before, but I just feel like there are a few angles I haven't approached this from yet. See, like most kids growing up, I went to school with the intention of getting smarter. (Well, I was sent there against my will by my parents obviously, but whatever.) According to the various schools I attended, I wasn't a particularly good student. As you may know though, I'm nobody's dummy, it was by choice...I felt that "potential" all my teachers said I posessed had better uses than pointless review sheets and bullshit work given to me to do on my free time (they called it "homework"...I figured I had chores, so I did plenty of work at home already...fuck that). 

Despite this, I managed to grasp what was taught well enough to ace tests, carry class participation to the point where it would almost count as experience hosting an educational talk show, and pass classes without cheating (and even more, being the person to cheat off of). Even in my younger days, I had the sense the entire time that there was something very wrong with that. If demonstration of knowledge wasn't proof enough that I knew something, then what was? If intelligence isn't proof of intelligence, then what is? What...IS smart?

Some people love to talk about how smart they are (even people who say they're "street-smart", which usually translates as "regular dumb"). Is smart the ability to regurgitate on demand whatever one reads in some book? I seriously hope not, otherwise some of Harold Camping's jackass pals and people who send money to televangelists qualify as brilliant folk. Is smart the ability to recite random, unimportant facts? Let me know, I can pick up a Guinness Book of World Records on the way home and be a fuckin' genius by Monday. Is smart the ability to pass a written test? Actually, that's a mixed answer...sure, anybody with great peripheral vision and intelligent desk neighbors can do that, but that's the point. 

Smart is the ability to adapt to situations as need dictates. Smart is the ability to solve your own problems using the tools at your disposal (or knowing people who have the right ones). Most importantly, smart is knowing that the fittest survive and becoming one of them. Accordingly, smart for the purposes of school should be defined as the likelihood that a student will become a reasonably well-adjusted person and become a contributing member of society. The aim of this series is to find out how good a job our public schools are doing at doing that, reflect on some of our own experiences...and of course, crack a few dozen jokes along the way. This is a 4-parter that will probably run every Friday this month (and the first one in July, I guess...I meant to start a week ago, but I forgot) and you're reading episode 1 right now...below is a schedule of the upcoming parts:

Part II (The Injustice)- Our schools fail. Hard. Believe me, I know...and here's where I'm gonna tell you all about it.

Part III (The Interview)- I'm going to talk to an actual (and anonymous) employee of the Philadelphia School District for a firsthand look inside a modern educational facility and the generation behind some of us. If children are the future, what does ours look like? Find out 2 weeks from now (only makes sense, right?).

Part IV (The End)- Honestly, I don't know yet...it'll probably be something special though, trust me. Have I ever disappointed you with a series? Baaaaad Mafuckas? The Black Xperience? Green Week? Come on...

That's about all I'm giving out today, but stay tuned...I think we might all get an education. Happy Friday umf'ers!