Drive Me Crazy (in a Lexus)

So over the weekend, which I mostly spent watching football in various degrees of intoxication, I began to notice a new series of Lexus commercials just for the holiday season. Well..."notice" kinda implies that it was within my power to ignore it...as an average NFL broadcast lasts 3 hours and contains about 11 minutes of the running jumping, throwing, catching, blocking, tackling, and other football-related actions that have surprisingly little to do with the feet for a sport with the name it has, the rest is obviously filled by commercials...and this weekend, it seems like this and its variants were most of them.

I honestly didn't pay it any mind at first...I'm not exactly in the market for a Lexus this holiday season or expecting one as a gift (hell, I'll be surprised if somebody gives me a bus pass), but the more I see of this shit, the more it just bugs the hell out of me. 

For one, who actually knows the Lexus theme song to the point where they hear it and instantly react to it? I didn't know it until I heard it a few hundred times over the weekend and got it stuck in my head...and I'll tell you what, when I hear that stupid little jingle, the last thing that goes through my mind is "hey, isn't this the Lexus jingle? I might be getting a gift wrapped $60,000 vehicle for no apparent reason!" No, it's closer to "oh my fucking deity, if this song comes into my ears one more time, I'm going to send a bullet after it."

It's not even just the concept of this commercial I hate, it's the execution. It's not enough that I went out at spent a second mortgage on a luxury car to celebrate a religious holiday, but I have to arrange a cutesy presentation for the gift, hack into the building's PA system and replace the normal elevator music, AND find a huge red bow to put on the car? (Nobody ever thinks about it, but those things ain't free...like those giant checks they give out to winners of contests and sweepstakes, if I ever win one I'm gonna suggest that they give me a regular sized check and just slide me the money they save printing the big one.) The fucking Lexus wasn't enough? Oh, aight...

I mean, it's bad enough that they're pretty much saying that a luxury car makes a great stocking stuffer in the middle of the worst global economic state that any of us can remember unless you first car had a hand crank, but to wrap the message in a bunch of fake-ass commercialized holiday season sentiment just symbolizes everything I hate about this time of year. (Well, besides Black Friday, which is where people camp out by the thousands for days for the right to loot a large chain store and fistfight over the items which belong to neither combatant until they pay for it. That's over with though.)

The signs of holiday overlap become more and more apparent each year...they put the Valentine candy out before we take the Christmas decorations down, Halloween starts right after Easter, Thanksgiving is a few hours between work and the start of shopping season...and this year, my holiday spirit was fucked before the end of November. I gotta say...maybe it's that I'm 5 dollars over broke even on payday, maybe it's the fact that I'm just not that big a holiday person (but at least I don't pretend to be to sell cars), maybe I'm just hating because I don't have a sugar daddy to buy me a Lexus...but the shit just gets to me a little. Hey...at least the Cowboys won after I saw this commercial a few dozen more times.