*fittedwearer's note: There comes a time in all relationships when one partner passes on, leaving its other half to grieve its loss..and the time has come in one of mine. You see, I and my trusty mobile lifestyle device have been together about 3 years, and as anyone who has ever owned one knows, every month in cell phone ownership time is equal to about 2 years in human aging time...making my phone around 90. It's just time. The cruel fact is that the circle of life spares no man...or machine...and I feel that my old sidekick's life deserves some recognition at its end. This is kind of a big moment for me..please just let me have it...show some respect. (Hey, if people can be all sad when their pets die, I can be sad about this...let's see your dog take pictures, your lizard help you write or your parakeet get on the internet...I'll wait...)
What can be said about a good cell phone that cannot be said in polite company about a romantic partner? You enriched my life, kept some of my deepest secrets (in the Notes app...they usually become umf posts), stayed with me through good and bad times, taught me plenty through the omnipotent Google and Wikipedia, shared both my head and my bed (yeah, I sleep with my phone, what of it?) and if all that weren't enough, you weren't even jealous about it, keeping some of my relationships with human beings afloat through text messages and Facebook. Truly, the impact you had on my life will not be soon forgotten.
In your twilight years, you lost some of the speed, power, and stability that made you so essential to my life, but what I'll always treasure are the memories (and not having to charge you 15 hours a fucking day). I remember when you first came into my life...it was May '08 (damn!) and you were the first of your kind. Your Android operating system differentiated you from all those bitch-ass iPhones..and more than that, made you better.
I remember when I first saw you, clean and glowing white, swaddled in your white T-Mobile box, tucked away safely like a smartphone nativity scene. (I also remember when I first fielded a question about having a white phone...answer: because everyone else had a black one.) I remember my first instinct was to protect you, spending $30 for a protective case that worked very well...but that didn't stop me from having half a coronary whenever my hands weren't between you and the earth's gravitational pull.
Shortly after that, I remember quickly (and proudly) becoming addicted to you. I remember the laughs we used to share as I sat at work typing entire posts undetected. I remember our late night infotrysts, where I would wake up for no apparent reason, write some 3-word bit down, and have it grow into a whole concept as I slept. I also remember that time you helped me find a sports bar within 10 minutes of a Cowboys game...that's the kind of friendship you only get a few times a lifetime. Sure, you had that weird little chin thingy towards the bottom which still hasn't been explained by HTC, T-Mobile, or any of their affiliates...but it only added to your unique, lovable charm.
I loved the way you used to play the Power Ranger communicator sound every time I got a text message. I loved the way your face used to light up whenever I got an email telling me I had a new umf comment or Facebook notification (or that I won some weird foreign lottery I never bought a ticket for). I loved the way I could customize my entire life one free app at a time, something unheard of at the time. I loved the way you let me silently take pics of weirdos in the streets...and there were plenty. I loved the way you had a "send straight to voicemail" feature, for pesky bill collectors or chicks that just wouldn't take a hint and a half.
Most of all, I love how with the new phone I chose, I can just slide my memory card and sim card into it and have it do all those things inside 10 minutes...your spirit will live on forever (or until I get a non-Android phone). Secretary, sidekick, personal assistant, confidante, conduit, teacher...friend. These are some of the words which describe my feelings for you and the voids that will be left in my life (until Fridayish) with your departure.
You were a valued member of my life and I'll be sad to see you go (but at least I got a pretty sweet deal on your successor, the Galaxy S). For 3 years, you were by my side as my life passed me by, and you never led me astray (or into a fountain)...now it's time to let you go. G1, while our time together may be over, I want you to know that I can upgrade as many times as I want...but I'll never be able to replace you (with the same model...they discontinued it). I'll never forget you...
*chokes up, breaks into tears, checks order status on new phone*