Formsprung- Season 2

What's going on, umf'ers? I know we don't spend time together like we used to, but we'll always have "Formsprung"! Let's get right to it...

Where you were on 9/11?
Oh I was in 9th grade English when my teacher rolled the TV into the room from wherever they keep them and turned it on. At that point only the first plane had hit, and nobody was sure what happened. A few minutes later the second plane hit, and things got a little clearer. We got out early that day, and I remember thinking on the way home that we hadn't heard the last from the terrorists...and I was right. 10 years later, we're less free than we were that day, no more safe, and trillions poorer...not sure you can pin all of that on Al-Queda. Just sayin'...

...is definitely gonna get a special shoutout in some future work of mine. Never forget those who show you love, or they'll forget to show it.

Ever think life isn't fair, how there are peole balling out of control while others struggle?
Yeah, I do wonder about that sometimes...how the really rich have everything they could ever want in life while the regular folk like us scratch and survive. Here's the thing though...except for the rare lottery ticket, any time you see a family with money, realize that at some point somebody earned that shit. It might have been 2, 3 or 5 generations ago, but somebody did something right to set their shit up. The best way to make life more fair is to be that person in your family history.

Who do you want to prove wrong about your life?
That's a very interesting question and I'm probably going to disappoint you with my answer. Honestly, the only people whose opinions stick with me are the ones who supported me and continue to support me. I know there are people out there who think I'm never gonna be shit, but they ain't too big a deal themselves. Think about it this way...it's easier to prove yourself and a few others right than to prove everyone else wrong.

(Damn, I think I just wrote my thought of the day!)

Your wife says pick one head pxssy for the rest of your life, wat you pickin?
Oh, she'll likely be very dissatisfied with my choice...but she'll probably want to invest in some kneepads. The importance of a good blowjob in the survival of a relationship cannot be overstated. It's the one act that can happen any and every day of a given month...and if you want to keep your man, probably should.

What do your parents do for a living?
Well, my mommy works at the Liacouras Center (which is why I had that job...nepotism makes the world go round) as...some kind of person with a desk, I don't know. My pop managed appliance stores most of his life, but lately he's just busy enough trying to keep my sick and half-crazy sister in check...and trust me, that's a full time job.

If you are witnessing a girl fight and one chick is winning do you stop it?
Hey, if I was in a fight and I was winning, I wouldn't want some chick breaking us up...I feel equal rights are equally right. Obviously, if someone is gonna die you may want to step in, but other than that my number one job is to get it on video.

Fav Burger?
I spend literal hours in my kitchen trying to perfectly recreate a bacon cheeseburger from 5 Guys with lettuce, tomato, fried onions, jalapenos, mustard, A1 and a tiny bit of mayo...but have never been successful. I won't give up though. You hear me? I WONT!

Is baseball really boring or its cause we're black?
No, it's actually boring...other than the odd 10-9 slugfest, most games are pretty dull. I do know a couple of avid black baseball fans though, so I think it's about what you grew up watching. Then again, there are people who love them some golf and NASCAR, and those people are overwhelmingly white, so you might have something there with the race and sports thing...

If you could talk to your 12 year old self, what would you say
heh...I'd say don't buy all those damn Pokemon cards! If I had all that money back, I could have produced my own damn movie lol...

(at least they're still good to break up buds on/with...)

Do you want reparations for slavery?
haha...if they ever end up offering them, sure, I'll take 40 acres and a Mustang...but I'm not holding my breath. Besides, there's an old Native American saying: "he who waits for forked tongue white man government to give fair shake end up living on reservation". I'll just try and get mine the hard way...

Do you go mall walking?
Well, the only mall in Philly is the Gallery and it's a hood mall...if you hang around there too long, you'll catch a case or an STD...so no, not really. In a better place, I could see myself hanging there.

Do you smile all the time or do you have a "natural frown"?
I smile more than most people (smirk, grin, whatever). I'm a generally happy guy, and am also high a lot, so random hilarious thoughts often flash across my consciousness for no real reason, causing me to smile or laugh. It would probably make most people feel awkward, but I look at it like they're just jealous that I'm having a good time...lol...

Floyd vs Ortiz who ya got?
As much as I like Ortiz's all-offense, "one of us is going down no matter what" style, I'd put my money on Mayweather. Besides, if he loses we're never gonna get that Mayweather-Pac fight...

what do you do for fun on the weekends?
This time of year, the ideal weekend would involve a Friday of unwinding after a long week of having my soul rended by this pointless job, a Saturday of either laying there intoxicated and thinking (which is where all this shit comes from) and/or trying to lure some girl to my house until the Cowboys game comes on, at which point she must either make some quiet, a sandwich, or some tracks. Yeah...that sounds good.

Almond Joy or Mounds?
Almond Joy...I don't eat them a lot, but when I do I really like 'em. Plus, they have a blue wrapper...when I can't decide between the 2, that usually breaks the tie.



It's for business, dammit...at least that's how I justify it to myself. I still kind of cringe whenever I sign on. I also haven't started doing #thisthing yet...although I know it's just a matter of time. Necessary evils to make it, I tell ya...


How's that ebook coming?
Great! I'm still kind of upset I don't get to post every day like before since I only get these couple of hours per day to work on this stuff, but I'm sure it'll be worth it once I sell a couple hundred copies...or more. High hopes, baby. :)

"FfYL" coming soon...it's the best 5 dollars you can't smoke. Get all the latest updates, previews, and random bullshit on Twitter @fuck_4_yourlife.

(See, business!)

Another great week of questions...keep it coming y'all, this might be the only form of post I get to do for a little while. You know I get to missing y'all and shit...lol... Aight sports fans, until next time, please get familiar with the umf Facebook fanpage and if you want all the latest shit on "Fresh, Uncensored, Critical Knowledge for Your Life"...*deep breath* follow it on Twitter @fuck_4_yourlife (ugh that's fucking annoying...). Well, I'm gonna get back to my f.u.c.k.'ing book right about now, but if you have a question for next week:

any question you want...go 'head, fire away...fuckit, I'll answer...


Checkin' In: A letter to umf'ers (yeah, you!)

Uh...hey guys,

I just wanted to let y'all know that I definitely didn't forget about y'all (and announce the official completion and registration of the script for the TBX movie, in case anybody didn't hear me the first 34 times I said it on the internet and to any 3-D people that would listen) ...how could I forget a group of people who take time out of their days to get me to constantly reveal sordid details of my life on a weekly basis? Seriously, I missed talking to y'all, even with all my new life directions and shit.

Oh, and on that topic, the reason I posted like 3 times last month is that I was taking my best swing at the online Champion Screenwriting Competition with the now completed and registered TBX script (35 times...so I'm a little hype, fuckin' sue me!). Prize is $10,000, the right to get my work in front on some eyes that are located above some deep pockets, a free pass out of this 40 hour a week hellhole and the general acknowledgement that I'm the fuckin' man with a pen in my hand (keyboard...you know what I mean). So, yeah, that's kind of a big deal. Doesn't excuse my complete lack of posts...I can dig that...which is why I'm writing this.

As I'm sure y'all probably noticed, I don't get to post on here as often as I would like any more...one reason is that I use most of the time I steal from my job to write stuff like screenplays and e-books nowadays...and the other is that I don't want to use up all my good riffs on unpaid endeavors. (You'll thank me when you don't recognize every joke in some future mass-produced foolishness of mine.) That'll definitely change when I can get the fuck out of this job...you just couldn't imagine how hard it is to get any real work done when your job gets in the way.

Anyway, I want to thank y'all for continuing to spread the word about umf in my semi-absence and continuing to check out some of the old posts (it's only fair since nobody read many of them the first time :p ). It was kind of crazy to take a month off and see my munbers hold steady, and even spike on a few days...but hell, I'll take it. It means a lot to me to know some folk are with me even when I'm not around. I know I've been neglecting the fuck out of the umf fanpage (which you are still invited to *like* and make suggestions on) as well as the actual hat over here...I'll try to be better about that, I promise. I'll make it up to you too...any way you want (except that, you sick freak) just say the word.

I guess I'll keep this short (well, short for me...keep it capri?) ...I know y'll have probably found something else to do with the 10-30 minutes a weekday that used to be mine...and honestly, I can't blame y'all. It's not you, it's me...you're great, but you're just not my type and I'm not really ready for a relationship, and I'm sure you'll find the right...wait, this isn't a breakup, just a checkup. Just wanted to let you guys know with all the things on my mind these days, you guys are still right up there...seriously. You just don't pay me...lol. Aight, I got an e-book to write...."Fresh Uncensored Critical Knowledge (for your life)" (Yes, I'm serious...get your Kindles ready..."F.U.C.K. for Your Life") is coming sooner than you think). Thanks for riding with me...trust me, this one goes somewhere fun.