I know it's been a while and a half since we last talked, but I've been...well, kinda busy. (Well, "busy" is a relative term, but since I now have a new one I feel it applies here.) Of course, the primary reason I've been so damn distracted from what used to be my life is in the picture. His name is Deion Xavier, something I have to keep typing to break my habit of calling him "the situation" (it sets a bad "Jersey Shore" tolerance precedent) and everyone told me I would love him at first sight.
Of course, in that case the baby is apparently invisible, but I sure hope he shows up some day. Being born by manual evacation on Feb 8, he was about a month premature...maybe by the time he was supposed to be born I'll be ready for him. (At least, thinking that helps.) Hell...at least approximately 3.5 metric tons of material for my next book "What to Expect When You're Expecting the Worst" out of this...when you balance that with the combined weight of the diapers I'll likely be changing, it about balances out. Throw in the tax deduction for next year, and the month (and much more if I get my way) of paternity leave I get from my day job, this is almost a good thing. Almost.
I've also been pretty involved with "FfYL" matters...doing promo, guilt-tripping people I know into buying copies (including a very interesting street sales pitch reversal where an attempt to sell me on donating to Greenpeace turned into a commercial for my book on Amazon...I think she bought it on both counts) and attempting to attract new readers, even searching for an agent who I will call Waldo once I find them, because finding one is hard as fuck. Hell, Bin Laden has nothing on the hiding skills of a good agent. I'm actually kind of jealous of the bastard...he or she gets to sit around just waiting to "discover" me, and I just have to wait for white people to officially pay some attention to me...I feel like America in the Columbus story.
Anyway, here I am at a crossroads in life. Sure, I just got used to even thinking of myself as a adult like last year, but all of a sudden, due to events over the past yearish, my entire life is in my hands (and no, despite my continued frustrations, that's not a jerk-off joke). I honestly don't know what the fuck I'm doing these days, but I do know things are heading forward whether I like it or not. Forward where? Well...that's the fun of the ride, I have only the vaguest of ideas...well, besides that I will have y'all on it with me. For the 3 of y'all who did, thanks for sticking with me through the hiatus, but the asshollectual is back...and this time, it's personal.