Happy hump day, f.u.c.k.ers! In case you're not familiar with the current program, it's now time for another exclusive preview of my glassy-eyed examination of everyday life, "Fresh Uncensored Critical Knowledge for Your Life". Today's selection is the leadoff hitter for part III, "for Your Social Networking" and goes by the title "(f.u.c.k.)- Getting Started". It's all about how to set up a social networking page and get your start (or much needed restart) in the world of two-dimensional friends and one-dimensional people. Aight, let's get to it.
Ah, yes...social networking. The best and worst of the human experience, all conveniently packaged 140-500 characters at a time, depending on the service you use. If you live here in the future with the rest of us, you know that pretty much everyone has a social networking presence...whether it be Facebook, Twitter, the other ones that aren't as popular, or whatever friendsites pop up in the future, almost everyone has a page telling the rest of the world just who they are (or who they want others to think they are). Well...except for you.
Against all odds, you have somehow managed to avoid taking this next leap of civilization with the rest of us...until now. If you're reading this first part of the social networking section, you're probably someone new to the scene, a freshman socialite looking for a little direction in navigating this relatively new off ramp of the internet superhighway.
Well, that's exactly what I'm here to help with. It's easier than you think to transition into this most recent forum of human interaction...and it all starts with getting things set up.
Getting Started
First, you'll want to figure out which of the popular social networks serve your needs. If you want to reconnect with old friends/classmates or would like to learn more than you could ever ask for (and in many cases, wanted to know) about the people you already know, you'll probably like Facebook...until it once again changes its interface, rendering it inoperable to the people who actually use it.
If 140 character snippets of someone's stream of consciousness or a much more intense and constant exposure to the personalities of people you were barely sure you liked in the first place are more your speed, try Twitter. If you're a music act who wants to increase their invisibility or a person trapped in the early 2000s time warp, MySpace is your likely destination. Like a challenge? Try Google+...the next of your friends to figure that out will likely be the first.
Point is, the different social sites all offer different utility (even if that's "none", which is different from "some"). Figuring out which one is for you will go a long way into enhancing your social networking experience. Many people elect to try them all...why not, they're free (AS LONG AS YOU COPY AND PASTE THIS TO YOUR STATUS< OTHERWISE YOU'LL HAVE TO PAY A MONTHLY FEE AND SACRIFICE YOUR FIRSTBORN...or...whatever...).
Who knows, you may decide you're the kind of person who enjoys broadcasting their unabridged life story one update at a time and join them all. One step at a time though...you haven't even set up your page yet.
Setting Up your Page
Most of the big ones are pretty user friendly, only requiring a series of clearly labeled clicks to get started with. (The hard part is getting off the damn thing...both in the "wow, this is kind of addictive" and "how the fuck do I delete this when and if I'm done" senses.) It's your standard email/password/confirm password/enter captcha "OLRICK SOMA" deal, nothing to be concerned about.
The next parts are a bit more involved. What's Your Name? All right, you've gotten this far...next step is to pick a handle, or e-name. Some people use their actual government names, others clever little nods to things and concepts they like, still others find some kind of satisfaction in pretending to be a celebrity. (Not in the “I think I matter” way, in the “I’m actually Charlie Sheen” way…wait, they’re kind of the same…ah, screw it, you know what I meant.)
On a more personal site such as Facebook, using one's own name is preferable...more on that in a chapter or 2. However, in most places where one does not personally know many of the people they will be interacting with, a pseudonym is preferable.
Of course, this name you choose says a lot about you...but that's okay, because you get to control what's said. GoYanks2 will label you as a fan of the Bronx Bombers. Red_Stater probably makes you a Republican. ThikNWet69 probably means you are either a whore (attention or garden variety whorewhore) or an overweight 35 year old trying to earn some airtime on Dateline NBC. Choose your name carefully..." What's in a name?" has less cachet when the answer is " your personality".
A Picture's Worth
Your profile picture. It's the first thing most people look at and an online representation of you. We'll go over this in much greater detail in a later chapter, but in short, the standard answer is 1,000 words. If it will take more than that to explain why the picture does not accurately portray you or your interests, I’d advise against using it.
You already know there's more where that came from, but if I was giving away whole chapters for free, what would you be paying 10 bucks (+ $5 US shipping or ebook available for $5) for? Sayin' tho. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this look at, in my unbiased opinion, the best book I've written yet...the only so far, but still. Thanks for checking this out...til next Wednesday, I leave you with this old writer's blessing: buy my damn book!
Chapter 1: (f.u.c.k.)- Getting Started
Ah, yes...social networking. The best and worst of the human experience, all conveniently packaged 140-500 characters at a time, depending on the service you use. If you live here in the future with the rest of us, you know that pretty much everyone has a social networking presence...whether it be Facebook, Twitter, the other ones that aren't as popular, or whatever friendsites pop up in the future, almost everyone has a page telling the rest of the world just who they are (or who they want others to think they are). Well...except for you.
Against all odds, you have somehow managed to avoid taking this next leap of civilization with the rest of us...until now. If you're reading this first part of the social networking section, you're probably someone new to the scene, a freshman socialite looking for a little direction in navigating this relatively new off ramp of the internet superhighway.
Well, that's exactly what I'm here to help with. It's easier than you think to transition into this most recent forum of human interaction...and it all starts with getting things set up.
Getting Started
First, you'll want to figure out which of the popular social networks serve your needs. If you want to reconnect with old friends/classmates or would like to learn more than you could ever ask for (and in many cases, wanted to know) about the people you already know, you'll probably like Facebook...until it once again changes its interface, rendering it inoperable to the people who actually use it.
If 140 character snippets of someone's stream of consciousness or a much more intense and constant exposure to the personalities of people you were barely sure you liked in the first place are more your speed, try Twitter. If you're a music act who wants to increase their invisibility or a person trapped in the early 2000s time warp, MySpace is your likely destination. Like a challenge? Try Google+...the next of your friends to figure that out will likely be the first.
Point is, the different social sites all offer different utility (even if that's "none", which is different from "some"). Figuring out which one is for you will go a long way into enhancing your social networking experience. Many people elect to try them all...why not, they're free (AS LONG AS YOU COPY AND PASTE THIS TO YOUR STATUS< OTHERWISE YOU'LL HAVE TO PAY A MONTHLY FEE AND SACRIFICE YOUR FIRSTBORN...or...whatever...).
Who knows, you may decide you're the kind of person who enjoys broadcasting their unabridged life story one update at a time and join them all. One step at a time though...you haven't even set up your page yet.
Setting Up your Page
Most of the big ones are pretty user friendly, only requiring a series of clearly labeled clicks to get started with. (The hard part is getting off the damn thing...both in the "wow, this is kind of addictive" and "how the fuck do I delete this when and if I'm done" senses.) It's your standard email/password/confirm password/enter captcha "OLRICK SOMA" deal, nothing to be concerned about.
The next parts are a bit more involved. What's Your Name? All right, you've gotten this far...next step is to pick a handle, or e-name. Some people use their actual government names, others clever little nods to things and concepts they like, still others find some kind of satisfaction in pretending to be a celebrity. (Not in the “I think I matter” way, in the “I’m actually Charlie Sheen” way…wait, they’re kind of the same…ah, screw it, you know what I meant.)
On a more personal site such as Facebook, using one's own name is preferable...more on that in a chapter or 2. However, in most places where one does not personally know many of the people they will be interacting with, a pseudonym is preferable.
Of course, this name you choose says a lot about you...but that's okay, because you get to control what's said. GoYanks2 will label you as a fan of the Bronx Bombers. Red_Stater probably makes you a Republican. ThikNWet69 probably means you are either a whore (attention or garden variety whorewhore) or an overweight 35 year old trying to earn some airtime on Dateline NBC. Choose your name carefully..." What's in a name?" has less cachet when the answer is " your personality".
A Picture's Worth
Your profile picture. It's the first thing most people look at and an online representation of you. We'll go over this in much greater detail in a later chapter, but in short, the standard answer is 1,000 words. If it will take more than that to explain why the picture does not accurately portray you or your interests, I’d advise against using it.
You already know there's more where that came from, but if I was giving away whole chapters for free, what would you be paying 10 bucks (+ $5 US shipping or ebook available for $5) for? Sayin' tho. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this look at, in my unbiased opinion, the best book I've written yet...the only so far, but still. Thanks for checking this out...til next Wednesday, I leave you with this old writer's blessing: buy my damn book!
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